Disappointment

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I have experienced my fair share of it, in life. Yet, I fear it still. I should know by now that my fear of disappointment can only perpetuate the sort of paranoia I see my friends suffer from regularly. The sort of paranoia I suffer from now. I have a terrible habit of over-thinking things. Of making something out of nothing. It takes away from a million opportunities, and not just the ones you spend so much time and energy expecting. Opportunities to see life in a new and wonderful way.

One can make something out of nothing in a more productive manner by avoiding that paranoia. Its healthy to plan, but not to plan for the worst. Our defense mechanisms are only holding us back, unless we accept our fate. It is perfectly healthy to anticipate bad things, so long as you anticipate the good as well. Understanding the balance, and knowing we share a role with everyone can only help us reach our own potential. One can find a beauty and a poetry with the bad that would be absent without the good. And the same can come of good with bad. But when one lets doubt fill their head, when one ignores the good and only anticipates the worst, then emotion will take over their better judgment, instead of working with it. There are a few people I know who appear to have lost that judgment all together. Who won't allow themselves to see the cycle for what it is, and only end up seeing what it does for them and their agenda.

I have to avoid these thoughts, this sort of selfishness. I don't want to see myself embittered by my failures, by my lack of accomplishments, by things out of my control, or by my useless regrets. I want to rise from the ashes with every defeat, stronger than ever. I want to feel no shame for what I have achieved. I want to truly believe that my path is chosen for me, and to follow it with my head up. I want to feel no regret for anything I have done. Life will go on no matter what happens, unless it ends. And until that moment, the only thing I have the power to change is my perspective. Everything happens for a reason. Everyone has their place. We all serve something greater than ourselves. Whether it be God, or the Earth, or the people around us, it doesn't matter what we serve or what happens. We are fulfilling that purpose. The true test is to enjoy it.